Untitled….

{{journal_mood exhausted}} I woke up with a terrible headache today and the feeling of total exhaustion. I think I’ll take a day off from work to sleep and let my head clear. I am not sure what I want to write today, I ran across some old writings I did last year and that kind of made me sad. One was very good, sometimes I surprise myself with how well, I can write but it just seems that I always take the hardest roads in life, I want the hardest things and I never seem to just take things simple. […]

Full…

{{journal_mood grateful}} It really doesn’t take much to make me happy and feel appreciated. My one friend, who I got the phone call from, I did ask him to open up messenger just so he’s logged in. I like seeing my friends online, I know they are there and within reach, it gives me a feeling that I am not alone even if we aren’t chatting. Well, being the cool person that he is, he did get home and turned it on. It really is just the simple things in life that can make me feel good. Him doing that […]

Phone Calls

{{journal_mood giddy}} I mentioned in my previous entry the phone call that made my day but I think I need to say more so I remember how cool it was. It really was one of the most fun and uplifting calls anyone could ever make to me. This is going to sound weird but my friend called and we got to talking about my car. I own a 1997 Corvette that I just adore. I was telling him how I was racing people on the freeway for fun, something I rarely, if ever do and he got all funny with […]

Dorky….

{{journal_mood happy}} Ok, this is going to be really dorky but I can’t help it. First, I chatted with my Utah friend today about both a project we are working on and about life and stuff. I am truly amazed at how well he lets me dribble on about my problems. I honestly can’t believe I am that lucky to have friends who care that much … ahh … why do I let myself get so upset on this silly stuff I have written below. And then my other friend, the one that lives here and the one whom I […]

Realization…

{{journal_mood scared}} Not sure how I am feeling today. I am tired because I just am not sleeping well which probably contributes to all my stress. I did have an interesting evening last night; my one friend who I was worried about finally called and was in a good mood. He has just been lost in his game he plays online and forgot to turn on the messenger. I should know better by now but alas, I am not us to it as I typically talk to my closest friends daily. I then wanted to send him this cool thing […]

Mondays Suck…

{{journal_mood gloomy}} Ahh … Mondays. If you knew me, you’d know just how much I hate this day. First day back at work, when you really need three days off and how I really just can’t motivate myself to do anything on this vile day. Ok, so Sunday was lonely and all but I did learn some things about me, I never … ever want to have another day like that. It was draining and extremely depressing as I think back to it. I am still not over that day and though I did sleep with no dreams that I […]

Night time…

{{journal_mood tired}} I did some soul searching today. I finally let all the various sides of myself talk and banter back and forth. Basically, calling myself on my actions and trying to understand what I am feeling. I can’t stay I feel better but I do feel somewhat calmer. I think I understand a bit more about myself which only leads to more confusion but for the time being I have a couple answers to things that have been weighing me down. One thing I did discover is that I really do want to move on. I want to take […]

Patients is a Virtue…

{{journal_mood sick}} It’s been a very long time since I have felt the way I do. In a way it’s fascinating, I am one of those people who loves to understand and emotions are a very interesting topic … at least to me. My one friend whom I care so much for and so much want to go do something with has his own demons to fight. He’ll call or something when he needs me, pushing him and pressuring him will just hurt us both. Well, hurt him more so than me. Pressure and stress are nothing new to me, […]

Responses…

{{journal_mood content}} I couldn’t do it. I tried my best to just let go but people, namely my friends, mean far too much to me. I finally broke down and confronted my one friend who I was just going to let be. Perhaps it wasn’t the responses I wanted BUT he took the conversation in stride and did his best to make sure we where ok. I really like this person and have a lot of feelings for him. He might be odd and sometimes less than talkative unlike me but he is a good person and has a good […]

Life sucks…

{{journal_mood numb}} I got a response tonight. It was basically silence followed by nothing. It really hurts to care for someone and find out they could careless about you. I wish I could say I am stronger for it but really I am just … kind of dead inside right now. I have let down a friend today, I feel like I should be shot. But then I couldn’t continue the way it is, though I was willing to try if truth be told. The saddest part is, I know that the other person simply just blew it off. I […]