Ahh … Mondays. If you knew me, you’d know just how much I hate this day. First day back at work, when you really need three days off and how I really just can’t motivate myself to do anything on this vile day.
Ok, so Sunday was lonely and all but I did learn some things about me, I never … ever want to have another day like that. It was draining and extremely depressing as I think back to it. I am still not over that day and though I did sleep with no dreams that I can remember, it was a fit-full rest, waking up several times.
I found an old letter I started to write to my one friend who is going through so much lately. I finally finished it today, re-wrote parts of it and such. It’s not a whine letter or bitch letter but more of an encouragement thing I wrote for him. I am going to give it to him when I see him next, if I get to see him again. I am worried about him, he has vanished and though I hope he is just with his family, his moods scares me. I really hope he’s ok and if I haven’t heard from him soon, I’ll try calling which I don’t do with him but this time I think I will. If nothing else to leave him a message.
My partner did come home last night, it was kind of strange, I am glad someone was home but honestly I didn’t really care mainly because it didn’t seem like anyone was in the house even when he is there. That’s the part I hate about my life right now and the part I think I want changed so bad.
I am trying to figure out what I want to do tonight, I really don’t want to sit and stair at the computer all evening like yesterday. I don’t feel like doing anything alone and though I guess I could work on stuff, that doesn’t sound like much fun either. I know my other friend will want to play games tonight but either I am too stressed out or I am just loosing interest in them, I can’t tell. It doesn’t sound like fun.
Supposedly my one friend who has vanished, we where suppose to go out tonight for dinner and a movie but seeing that he isn’t around I have a feeling that isn’t going to happen again. I should be mad that yet again he is blowing me off but I am not, just getting more worried.
Ugg… I am just not sure what to do. Maybe I could write more on my book that I have been working on for all these years. Sadly though the place I am at with it is a dark period much like now that is less than motivating. I started it and finally had to stop when it was just bringing up to many old wounds. Maybe I can skip around it; I’ll at least take a look.
What would make me feel better is to hear from my friend and get to go out with him tonight. I need to get out and do something and I need to be around people. I need to know if he’s ok, that is starting to weigh on my thoughts to much. So we’ll just have to see how the day goes.