{{journal_mood angry}}

{{journal_location Headache’s Ville}}

Friday…. You know, I us to be one of the types who looked forward to the weekend, it was my one chance to relax and enjoy. However, now days I can’t stand the weekend and would rather be doing anything else … even work sounds more appealing then a weekend. If you’ve been reading the journal then you’d know just how sad that is.

Plans for the weekend, nothing. I have to be online Saturday to for the guild of players in the game we all play on and help run them through instances. I really don’t want to be there and could careless about the guild and its players right now. Add to that I’m going to have to praise someone I truly can’t stand and would go so far as to wish them dead but instead I get to promote them in the game so they can be an "officer". The only reason they want that position is because it makes them feel like they have power and it makes them feel "special". They have absolutely no desire to progress the guild and the many players we have cultivated into a family.

Ahh well, I let those we picked as leaders in the guild decide on her joining and that’s what I get for trying to be democratic about it. She’s the same person I wrote about some time ago when I left another game. She caused so much pain and grief for others because of who she is. I just don’t get how people can enjoy being around someone who is so incredible shallow, narrow minded, beyond rude and constantly disrespectful especially to anyone she deems as "not worthy". But alas, stupidity and ignorance is the new way of life and it seems even those I care about are not affected, even though I have tried to educate them.

I’m close to stepping down as a leader and leaving that guild. I joined the game and guild to hang out with Boy Wonder and another friend we both had known back in the .other’ game I left. It was our chance to repair some mistakes between us and move on. But slowly over time, he managed to bring all the problems from the other game to this one and now the cycle starts again. I’m really not sure I want to deal with it this time but instead of just quitting and giving up, I might just transfer my characters to another server and continue my little gaming life there. I’d have to transfer Hermes’ characters too which is fine … and this is probably the reason I haven’t gotten Bare Foot the game yet. As much as I would enjoy her company and I know Hermes would like her there, I don’t want her to get started and have me leave to yet something else.

I don’t know, I worked so hard on this guild and have lots of fun. I have taken a much less involved roll so that I didn’t get sucked in to the game like I did last time and it now looks like I am back at square one. It really hurts that after all the things that happened in the other game, Boy Wonder is just totally oblivious to it all. You’d think he’d have learned something or picked something up but unless I knock him over the head and say something, which then leads to a huge fight and then some stirring up of unhealed feelings, will he listen. I’m REALLY not wanting to go there, I hate arguing and it hurts far to much to always be the one nagging on him but then it’ll just come out as resentment followed by a confrontation and be twice as worse. I just can’t win.

So another weekend of no relaxing or having fun and yet another opportunity to see something I enjoy be destroyed. One of my few places that I have left is now being taken away because of others who just don’t want to step up to the plate and see what’s in front of them. Gaming us to be fun and something to look forward too but now days it’s like a knife being slowly run down the side of my body. Oh which leads me to another topic of fun that is turning in to a nightmare called the new business venture I want to go in on with others. No one wants to take the immense amount of time to get it started … but I’ll leave that for another topic.

If things where what they should have been, I could just tell Boy Wonder how I feel, my reasons and we’d work out a solution. But he’s not where he should have been and our friendship though fine at the moment is slowly going backwards. This same women he admittedly understands has caused him grief and contributed to his current position in life, he continues to protect by believing that because he is friends with her he should help her, even though she has and will continue to screw up his future.

I’m tired of playing these games and watching those I care about being affected by stuff they simply need to open their eyes to see. I’ve got a boss that is an idiot, the department I work in is slowly crumbling and now my friend whom I have mentored for several months is going back to his old ways that cost him his marriage. Why? It’s because no one wants to step up to the plate and do the hard things in life, stand up for what they believe in and have the courage to say "no" all because they might get their feelings hurt or hurt the feelings of someone else.

The question is, "what am I going to do about it?" I’ve already stated my feelings several times to all that are involved; they just have to want to listen. If they aren’t listening then there isn’t much I can do but walk away. Odd thing is that’s what happened to someone else who lost the person he cared the most about in life. Now I get to do it to him again, that’s really not fair and hurts to the bone. Work can be replaced but a friendship lost is one that stays with you a life time. If I walk away, would he learn this time or would he just ignore it like last time. Yet an even more important question, "Do I have the strength to walk away and survive, last time it almost cost me my life."