Who Reads This Stuff?

Heck if I know, and to be honest, I don’t think anyone does. But, I so enjoy jotting my thoughts down and putting out the ideas of the things going on in my head. In a way it can also be seen as a therapy. It gives me a chance to look back and see what I was thinking. And yes, it can be very much like a journal (which I do maintain elsewhere on this site — ‘maintain’ being a very subjective word in this instance). Then there is the active art of just writing and trying to make it look like I understand the English written language. A rather fun game I play with myself. But there is also one other little thing as to why I enjoy doing this and that is … it feels like I’m exercising my mind.

If you haven’t heard, I really can’t stand physical exercise. I wish I could get into it, but it is SO FREAKING BORING. I’ve tried, many times. I’ve even been able to get that little high from moving past the point of, ‘breaking a sweat’. Admittedly, it is rather intoxicating to get the athletic uptick of a natural chemical boost to your system, but for me, it is still just SO BORING.

Writing, on the other hand, I can get that same high. Especially when I get lost in thought and my fingers start floating across the keyboard. So much so, that I have to stop. I get this odd euphoria rush that is honestly, a bit to much at times and makes me shake with antic … ipation. I know that when I’ve finished a missive of words, I’ll walk away feeling like I’ve expanded myself, just that little bit more. I love the idea of pushing the boundaries of my mind further, every if it is just a slight nudge.

And then there is a little game I play. That’s what I call it. I try to make sure I maintain something of a resemblance to actual English. The language is complex and sometimes just doesn’t make that much sense. Perhaps because it has evolved so much over the years, and it’s done this very quickly. Writing today, compared to when I was much younger (some 30 years ago), is different. Now look back to the actual English people, they wrote dramatically different (read much Shakespeare lately?) centuries ago. Thou wouldst not bethink of scribing as such is did the present day (or some such thing).

The way people read a sentence is also different and changing. I like to capture my speaking voice in my writing. Hence the ellipsis points I use all the time, you know the … thing? I like to take a dramatic pause before I write out my next revolutionary statement. Commas are under used at times, I tend to use them as I was once instructed by another author. That moment when you are in midsentence and need to take a breath, hence, creating, a, slight pause (perhaps to much Caption Kirk in that one). Or when you need to slow down the reader, make them stop for a fraction of a second, before continuing on with what you are saying. Read back some of my stuff and you’ll get it, pausing as you find a comma or semi-colon. I know it’s not the right way to use English, but it is how I like to talk, bringing myself into my writing style.

And the joy that comes from learning a new word, using it in a sentence, and trying to remember to put it into written rotation. I honestly am not trying to show off my vocabular knowledge. In all honesty, I think I write at a level that is considered far lower than how I think I’m writing. But I do this for a couple reasons. The main one being, I want my stuff to be easily readable by anyone. I don’t want people stopping and having to look up words. Nor sit there and assume I’m a know-it-all, because I used some fancy word. That’s just not me. I approach things in life with everyone on equal footing. You can be fresh out of grade school, or working on your next thesis in college, I want to be approachable by anyone who wants to read what I write.

Then I get side track looking up interesting facts like using gray or grey in a sentence. Actually, I think that search on which to use was really interesting. I try to use them both. If you want to know why, you’ll have to look it up.

And sometimes, I simply don’t agree with how it is supposed to be done. As I mentioned before, English, as do all languages, they evolve. Now days, people read more on their phones in texts and quick emails then they ever do reading a book, or properly edited document. Again, I am trying to appeal to multitudes and not trying to keep myself limited to those who have a better grasp on English (or spelling, we’ve already discussed my misuse of grammar).

Now that therapeutic side of writing — not the little high or the games I’ve created — I’m talking about getting to get something off my chest. Just writing down my thoughts and re-reading what I said. This little exercise can take a huge load off my shoulders. That is especially true when I’m fighting with some topic that is bugging me, or causing a bunch of stress. Writing this stuff down, rehashing it as I write, and the numerous proofreads that follow; this all really allows me to just vent and get things off my chest.

Finally, something I really am starting to enjoy more and more as the years go by, looking back on what I wrote ten, twenty, even thirty or forty years ago. The typos and spelling errors are one thing, but I find it incredibly fun to read how I thought about some topic. I really get why people write in journals. I just never thought about going back and reading them. Had I been writing like this since I was a kid (my pre-teen days), it would be so fascinating to see how my own views have changed. Today, I can find things I wrote several decades ago and, most are still true to my perception today. But there are a few that show how I’ve changed.

Being honest, looking back is kind of the odd or scary part of doing this writing thing. These captured moments in time, where I’ve found my views to be different than today, many of them I don’t recall them being so different … ever. I have a fairly good memory, but to find that I forgot that I us to think differently on something, that is a bit jarring. I wish I could think of an example right now, but nothing comes to mind. But that’s the thing. I just assume that I think this is how it has always been, only to find, that is not the case. Life, people, the world itself, everything evolves and changes as you go forward. With that, you evolve and change. That educates and expands your own mind. Before you know it, slowly but surely your views change just like watching your hair grow (it really can’t be done).

So in answer to the original question, who reads this stuff? It doesn’t matter. Perhaps no one. And that’s okay. I do this for myself and I enjoy the experience. That is all anyone should need for maximum enjoyment when doing something they find rewarding.

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