These are the days where I hate myself the most. Over the weekend I had to speak the truth and not hold back to someone I care a great deal about. I kept myself strong and only once came close to loosing it and almost started crying.
It really doesn’t matter if I am right or wrong what matters is if someone hears what is being said and then they can make the decisions on what they feel that matters to them. It hurts more than anything on this planet to have to do that with someone you care about, to watch them and hear them attempt to understand, to see the light go off and then the stark realization that there is a point in the conversation and finally the pain that follows when they have to make the hard decisions.
I feel like crap, like I am the lowest person on the world right now and not worth the effort to be someone’s friend. Yeah it’s part of carrying about someone and only your true friends will look you in the eye and call the junk on the table … junk. But it still hurts none the less and these are the moments where I simply want to leave and never been seen from again.
I hate hurting the people I care about more than anything on this planet yet those I care about our important to me and if I can help and shed some light on something then that’s what has to be done. It just hurts because I know that they are hurting and nothing I can say or do will make that go away.