Since I am in such a good mood, I wanted to do something for myself. I really wanted to edit and rewrite my entry titled “A Lost Love…” (noted in my links). I thought a lot about what I had written and just didn’t feel it represented the true feelings I have for this person.
I touched it up, fixed some bugs, and added a few things and well; just in general I think portrayed my feelings better.
Plus I was talking to Sex Hound last night and he brought up something as I was telling him about the entry. My Lost Love is actually the third love in my life; I think that is why I am so profoundly cherishing the memories I had with this person. My First Love was and will always be who I wrote about in “A Memory…” (now available in the links section of my journal). My second love has always been Opus; don’t worry Opus I am not going to write about you … yet. He and I became best friends, who we are today, but he was always special to me and someone I can say I truly love even if it is only friendship now.
The person I write about in “A Lost Love…” was the third person in my life and honestly, no others have followed … yet. Sure there is Dazzle and others that I have spent time with, Dazzle and I for over a decade. But as one friend put it, Dazzle and I should have ended a long time ago. Our relationship ended many years ago and I think the love portion of it ended even before that. We really were meant to just be friends. I really don’t think he and I were meant to be in the relationship we have, that’s sad but we both have been there for each other so it isn’t as sad as I tell it.
The point of this being, there is something I really want to do for myself tonight. I want to go downtown after work and to the pier that I wrote about, the one where Lost Love and I stood that evening … so many years ago … and remember. I have driven by there so many times but I have never stopped. I know it sounds stupid or maybe strange but for me, it was a place that holds such value to me; it reminds me of a person that I truly was in love with and someone who loved me back.
Perhaps you can call it reflecting or you can call it rehashing the past but to me it was a moment were the world was mine; a place that holds a moment in time that I probably felt the happiest about who I am.