So tired! I stayed up way to late last night but I couldn’t help it.
First, I went driving around yesterday. It was rather nice, the night I was talking to Sex Hound I some how managed to wind myself around and actually kind of a got lost. Not a real good idea at 11 pm. I am actually very good with being lost and finding my way back out (in real life, not in these dang online games). So it was more fun then scary. So yesterday I decided to go back and see where I was during the day and also look at the little bit of snow around.
I can’t drive my car in snow of any amount but this was just stuff on the side of the road so it was pretty and safe. I then headed the other direction and managed to … ummm … get myself lost yet again though this time it was during the day. I was wondering around the foot hills around Seattle. The snow was a bit thicker up in this area though the streets where nice and clear. I really did enjoy myself on that drive and it was so nice to find farms and pastures, a few ranches and see people at the .non-commercial’ Christmas Tree places with their families picking out their tree.
Later that evening, I ended up having a great time chatting with Boy Wonder followed by him finally making me install a new game to join him in. We actually didn’t play around to much in the game, he showed off his characters and some cool places; we spent more of the evening chatting, playing with web stuff and experimenting around with streaming audio.
It was a nice time and I enjoyed it very much. It was a very welcome relief (and much needed) for me to actually spend some quality time with my friend. We are going to go out and see a movie tonight and do dinner which I am excited about. There is a good possibility I can get him on here at my office but we need to work on his skills a bit so that my boss is as impressed as I am. So tonight we are planning to talk about our plan of attack to "wow" him.
This new online game, one in which I would enjoy as it is in that magic, King Arthur, Merlin fantasy era; I am a bit concerned about. The group of people he plays with are new to me yet there a few neat people from when we us to play (who always ask about me and how I am doing). I found last night that I was a bit freaked out (and even shaking at times) hanging with him in the game. The feelings from a year ago came rushing back. He knows that I have refused to play games with his friends (more refused to play with a certain set of his friends though I didn’t tell him that), as I told him back when he first asked me to join in previous game, "It wouldn’t be good for both he or I."
The big reason I decided to do try it this time unlike before, the group of people he is playing with are not the same as the ones who contributed to the problems we faced a year ago. And … he has a couple people that he really wants me to meet which is a not only a nice compliment but just a very cool thing … to know that your friend wants you to meet their friends. But then that was who he was in the beginning and probably why I enjoy his company so much. Add to that, he knows how I feel and never made it an issue. When I got online in this new game last night, he simply said it was nice to have me there and was hoping I would join him. To me, with his and my past, I thought that was just a nice thing to hear him say.
So I am excited yet a bit … ill slash scared … at the idea but for our friendship, I think it’s a good move since he and I need to patch these bad moments from a year ago. For me, it feels as if he is making the effort to show me that things are truly different now. That he wants me to be a part of his life in a place that we once both enjoy yet had it end so badly. I need to set my feelings aside and give him that chance … give myself that chance.
I feel good about things right now. As Hermes and then Sex Hound said, things sound like what they should be, I just need to relax and not worry so much. Even Boy Wonder has told me as much. I will admit that prior to talking to Boy Wonder, I did come to some weight lifting realizations about our friendship, some things I never realized and should have. He and I are good friends; he’s just radically different than me unlike most of my other friends.
Patients and moving on with my life are more of the problem than things going on with him. Poor Boy Wonder is just stuck in the middle and someone for me to focus both my desire to be with someone and an attempt to fill a void inside me. He’s also the one who probably gets the most scrutiny simply because he is the newest person in my life. That’s really not fair to him. As I sit and calmly think about things, his friendship is as good as any of my other friends. I just need to remember that and move on with the rest of my life instead of dwelling on problems that really don’t exist. You can always pick apart anything and find something wrong, with Boy Wonder; I really need to stop doing that.
Life is good, it really did help to have Boy Wonder sit and spend some time with me last night. As with all my friends, you each have shown remarkable friendship in helping me come to terms with the junk floating around in my head. So to Mustang, Opus, Sex Hound, Bare Foot, Hermes and Boy Wonder, thank you for being a part of my life and for tolerating me. You each do help and as you all know, it is much appreciated. This might actually be one of the best holiday seasons I have had in a very long time.