You know what really irritates me right now. I know what I want to do, what I should do that will help me feel better but you know those feelings you get? The ones that everyone calls their "gut" feelings, those specific feelings that are very strong (almost overwhelming) and you know they are saying .this’ is important (either good or bad).
Well, what I want to do and what my "gut" is telling me are two radically different things. These deep down feelings tell me what I want to do is wrong and not a good idea. And trust me, I have gone to the table with myself and made sure these are really them; they are deep and they are not being confused with my own emotions. Yet what my mind and my .self’ are telling me, just ignore your "gut" and do it. Now add in my goody-tooshoo other side which is saying, what I .want’ to do is breaking my personal cardinal rules in life.
Very confusing and very frustrating, I have never not paid attention to my "gut" feeling before and I have never been let down by them, not once. And I have an awesome memory; I would remember such an event. Oh yes, I have disregarded them several times and ended up regretting that decision every single time but right now, all this stuff is just to distracting and really causing me problems.
But as I told Sex Hound and Hermes, I still have an appetite, I’m horny and I can see the humor in things. When all three of those things go, I know I am depressed and over whelmed. That’s when I have a serious problem and go off the bad side. I admit, my appetite fades in and out and so do my hormones, however, my humor is right there. All that tells me is I am getting close to getting worse and I really don’t want to go there … hopefully never again.
I am hungry right now and need to eat, so I guess I’ll go get food. I have had a fairly nice day though this confusion is getting worse and worse. I don’t know, it might resolve itself later tonight, you could say things are in motion, it’s just a matter of when and what might happen. But then, sometimes nothing happens and ugg … another Monday where I have to go to work feeling like crap.
I’ll write more (I am sure) after I eat.