I really need to be getting better sleep. I finally drug myself to bed at 1am last night, not to long after I wrote my last entry. I woke up this morning and had a throbbing headache from sleeping weird (I think I slept on my head … don’t ask, I don’t understand it either). Of course I slept right through my alarm which further irritated me since I did actually wake up when it went off. Somehow I managed to keep hitting snooze for almost three hours without even realizing it.
Then traffic was beyond annoying today. SO many idiots where out taking their Sunday drive on Tuesday morning and of course doing it in left over rush hour traffic. I can’t tell you how many slow asses there where in the fast lane going below or significantly below the speed limit. That just added to my aggravation as I finally just started dodging in and out of traffic to get past them.
I’m really excited to start playing this new game Boy Wonder has gotten me in to. Yes, I am very worried it is going to freak me out but I am trying to tell myself I am not the same person I was when things blew up in my life a year ago. I am hoping to get Hermes in the game too. Not only will he like it but I just need to know he’s around when I have a hard time coping with crap. And I do mean crap because I really don’t have anything to worry about; it’s just me needing to learn some things that I am obviously not picking up.
Right now I am feeling a bit .blah’ which I think is more from sleep and maybe even my comfort zone blanket trying to sneak in and get me upset about stuff that doesn’t exist.
Honestly, the stuff I talk about concerning Boy Wonder needs to be deleted because over the past few days he has been an exceptional friend and I am realizing that a lot of the stuff I stress about with him is simply miss projected emotions. Emotional crap that is probably getting revved up as the stuff he’s dealing with gets on his nerves which I then notice. When my friends are down or upset, it affects me greatly. To me each of them doesn’t deserve it and I want to rid it from them. Sadly most times it just something they need to work through, I am not going to be able to do much but be there. And with Boy Wonder, there is also a huge fear of what happened before hidden away in me.
I know Boy Wonder and I aren’t going to toss our friendship away again, trust me; we’ve each had the opportunity with what I tend to put us through. It’s just one of those scrapes in life that hasn’t fully healed yet. My friendship with Boy Wonder is as good as it is with Hermes (and the others) but unlike Hermes, both Boy Wonder and I have to heal from what happened a long time ago. Ironically, I think both he and I feel equally bad about what happened I am just more vocal. Add to that, I need to stop projecting my lost puppy thing on to him and on to something more productive.
Sex Hound suggested I write a personal and put it in the paper or something along that line, just something to get things moving for me. I actually like that idea, I don’t mind blind dates and right now that would be a fun distraction. I have yet to do it, I’d need to get a PO Box (yeah, send them to my house … ya right!) and then write the ad. I really need to focus on healing that part of me right now which in turn will probably make things look a lot clearer for myself and everyone else.