Get over it or talk about it!

{{journal_mood pissed}}

Freaking [insert favorite cuss word here], I am trying my best to deal with my friend. I got myself out of my funk that I was in last week and have started to move forward again. I am sorry; I am getting so very tired of my one friend who is apparently depressed or something. I don’t care that he is depressed or very sad, I would like to help and will be there. He doesn’t want my help but that still doesn’t mean I am not there.

Last night, he FINALLY logs in to instant messenger. I had left him a couple questions about some things I needed answered for a project he and I are working on and about some things he wanted me to get him. First thing out of his mouth is he needs help with his computer and basically ignores my messages. That’s fine; I know how computers can be so I help. I am not sure what he’s doing but I try to give him the advice that sounds right for what his problem is. He isn’t really communicating what is wrong with it, more so glossing over my questions and telling me things that are less than relative but I know computers all to well and can put two and two together.

Then, we have his problem almost solved and he says his famous words "brb". No problem (insert the annoying Ugg), so I hang out waiting to find out if it worked, tell him the next step and so on. I know he was there because he was on his laptop and it goes idle really quick when he’s not there. I figure he’s doing something or what not and will get back to me in a few. 15 minutes pass and nothing, 30 minutes pass and nothing. I make some calls and do a few things. Then 45 minutes pass and still nothing. Now I am a bit irritated, he’s at his computer, did he still need my help? Or could he answer my questions really quick, I figure he’s probably chatting with someone and I’ll wait a bit longer. Trying to remember to give him his space and let him do what he needs, don’t pester or get emotional. Remembering he’s in some weird mood, depressed and pretty much not responsive. I can put my own feelings aside and let him do his thing and just exist, painful and annoying as it is. Then about an hour later, BAM, he goes offline and that is that.

What the fuck. He doesn’t answer my questions or barely responds so I can figure out what is really wrong with his computer. He can’t say bye or night to let me know the conversation is over. It was obvious he was talking to someone else and maybe that person upset him but freak, two nights in a row, we are in mid conversation and the famous "brb" and then he never returns. Only to look up and see he’s logged out and way earlier in the evening.

I can’t keep doing this with him, that is annoying, hurtful and mean. I want to be there for him but not if he is just going to use me and then when someone better comes along or he gets bored, he simply walks away. I know he is dealing with some heavy crap but common courtesy and respect for your friends should still be there in some fashion.

I don’t know, this is getting to be far too painful. Difficult I don’t mind but it is starting to hurt and feel personal. I want so much to be there for him but I can’t keep getting my face slapped every night without it starting to cause some serious problems. I am so close to telling him off but one he’ll just turn it around on me and blame me, what ever. Or two he’ll just ignore it and tell me I am being emotional or three, it hurts him more because he does care what I think and trusts me enough to know I’ll understand. Why the fuck can’t he just talk to me even a freaking little about what he is feeling so I know what is going on.

Somedays I really wish someone was reading this thing, I am getting so confused and conflicted in what to do.