Freak….I want off this stupid ride!

{{journal_mood worried}}

Worried….. I was really out of it last night, emotions running ramped and worrying about things that I just don’t need to worry about. Hermes and I played around in the new game Boy Wonder got me in to but I was so distracted I didn’t realize I had fun. I hate that feeling … I was having fun … but I was just stressing on everything and never realized I was enjoying myself.

I know not to stress, I really do. I have nothing to really stress on. Ok, maybe Boy Wonder getting the job but honestly, as Opus told me, things always seem to work out for me. But as I told both Hermes and Opus, this is one of those things in life "I" really want. That is actually a rarity for me; I typically don’t want for much and rarely want for something so bad I stress on it. I know Boy Wonder working at my job is a good thing for both the company, for me and for him. All I need is my boss to not get hung up on personal issues with me and realize that I have a good idea and run with it.

If he would call and set the interview with Boy Wonder I would feel much better but he’s doing his typical thing of just sitting back and working on god knows what. I know once he meets Boy Wonder he will see the same value I have placed on him and we’ll move forward. I really want this too happen before Christmas so I can relax and start planning and enjoying. Planning for work is what I usually do this time of year but if someone is going to start working with me then planning things at this point is rather wasted energy. I just want to move on with things and start off the New Year with some good news.

Add to that, I am stressing about my friendship with Boy Wonder again. This time I really have nothing to worry about but I can’t stop my mind from going there. There is nothing wrong; in fact, it’s all going incredibly well. Heck, he called me twice this morning to let me know things are ok and what was going on with him. Since he wasn’t around much last night and went offline so abruptly, I know he called me first thing this morning just to let me know all is ok, he wasn’t upset with me and to let me know what was happening today because he wouldn’t be on messenger. I mean, geez, he knows me so well to realize that I would be stressing over something so stupid that he calls to let me know not to stress. That’s a pretty good friend in my book and someone who really does care.

Yet, here I sit, stressing over it. I think the real reason is he mentioned "Her" name and that he has to spend sometime with "Her" tonight. For any that don’t know who "She" is, look back in my journal a month. I really know "She" doesn’t like me and when he gets around "Her", he gets in to this weird negative mood. Heck, bring my name up around "Her" and it’s amazing how fast he starts feeling torn about who to talk too. I hate that and I hate that person for doing that to him. None of his other friends make me feel that way but she grates on my nerves. I know she only wants his .full’ attention simply to taunt "Her" .man power’ in front of her other friends. Him being a straight guy and at a venerable time in his life, eats it up. I hate seeing my friends being used and that’s all "She" is doing to him under the guise of being his good friend.

Alas, I know my friend and I know he won’t tolerate it for long. But while he’s under her spell, it’s like night and day. It’s hard on me because he tends to forget I even exist and when I try to even talk to Boy Wonder when "She’s" around he gets very negative, even mean yet not evening realizing it. I’ve seen it happen to many people, "She" has one of those personalities that rub off on someone as they try to make their own self feel and look better. Unfortunately the person being rubbed off on subconsciously picks up the negative attributes and starts projecting those on to the people they care about. And when that person is me, it hurts to have one of my closest friends act that way.

Everything is fine and on course. Perhaps this is just someone above tossing in some road bumps as a way to allow myself to ask the hard questions. However, I have yet to find a bump that has jolted my resolve and passion for my current endeavors. I know they are the right things to do and I am not going to just give up. I just don’t want to be worrying about my friendship with Boy Wonder. I don’t have one damn thing to worry about. Hell, he just called me yet again! That’s the most he’s ever called me in a day. Each time, just to update me and let me know what’s going on … why the hell am I worrying about my friendship with him! Is my mind not satisfied that it has enough to dwell on? Freak!

On a good note, the furnace is being fixed at the house right now. I am very glad to know that and can’t wait to go home and be in the warmth of my own home. I just wish there was something I could take right now to calm me down and relax me. I really just need to stop for a while and be calm for a bit. I am so very tired of worrying and worrying and worrying. Everything is fine why my mind won’t just let it go and let things take their course is beyond frustrating. It’s so very tiring right now having both thought process going on, one keeping me stressed on issues that I have no control over and the other knowing its all fine and I have nothing to worry about.