Dark Corners….

{{journal_mood uncomfortable}}

Ok…. To much stuff piling on to my mind right now.

Dazzle is hounding me about all sorts of things via instant messenger and I’ve already lost my temper once and said some things I should have said nicer. Part of what he’s panicking about is money and wants me to pay for some things I wasn’t expecting. I’ve been going a bit crazy lately buying stuff for the holidays and for the first time in many years went below my safely line in money … way below.

I’m wasn’t worried about it but then my little brother, a couple days prior, was telling me that my Mom wants to ask me for money because she’s went a bit crazy on spending. She won’t ask because of her pride and all that but anyone who knows me, knows I have no problem helping out the people I care about. But then my brother’s live in . long-term girlfriend calls and leaves me a message last night worried about my Mom because apparently she went more crazy spending then anyone told me. Of course, now making it a bit more urgent and stressful which I am just not in the mood to have on my thoughts at this moment.

Still not a big deal really, though if I have to help Dazzle out because he made some stupid mistakes and wants me to fix them, even after I told him not too … then I am going to be hurting bad. Add to that, I have to spend a nifty $1000+ on my car tomorrow, thankfully that will go on a credit card.

Dazzle is of course also panicking about other things of which he has gotten himself in to yet everyone (including me) told him not too. For me, I just don’t want to hear it anymore. He knows where I stand and what my opinion was, he simply ignores it and then comes and whines at me when it goes bad. I then give him more advice and I guess because I am talking to him he feels better but then NEVER uses the advice and does what was making him stressed out about worse.

Work is also sucking right now; everyone keeps hovering over my desk asking questions that they honestly should know already. They just don’t feel like remembering and it’s just easier to ask me I guess. It’s driving me crazy; I am just not in the mood to be the book of knowledge for my department today.

And let’s not forget the person I tried to call last night, who has yet to call me back or come online which just bugs me. It’s suppose to be his day off today so I would have though he would have called but maybe it isn’t. What’s sad is the only reason I want a call back is because it would be the right thing to do and it bugs me for that reason alone. Talk about worrying over stupid stuff, that is one of them but yet there is my mind making a mountain out of … well, in this case … a perfectly flat piece of ground.

Maybe I am just more tired than I thought. I went and got coffee, found a frame that I needed but right now I don’t want to be dealing with Dazzle (who is now not talking to me after I got mad, even though I kind of apologized). I wish my friend would call me back and I wish I had some pills that would make me calm down. I just feel so overwhelmed right now with things and thoughts.

That dark place I am scared of returning to is right around the corner and I can feel it calling. I so much just want to shut the world out again and feel bad about myself and all this stuff going on. I hate that feeling and I am trying to keep it away but it is calling so strong right now. Not even Mr. Installer is entertaining to think about.