Ok, well … ummm … weird.
I am in an incredibly good mood at the moment. I have been in it since I woke up. I had a throbbing headache and just now took some aspirins to kill it but I am still in a good mood.
I really don’t know why my mood is 200% better than usual except for the fact that I know what is going on in my life and what needs fixed. I talked with Hermes last night who really was going out of his way (and then some) not only to be the best friend in the world but to show he supports me and wants me happy. I talked with Boy Wonder after that and found I wasn’t dwelling on him at all; it was so relaxing to actually chat with my friend instead of just being wigged out because he is somewhat different than my other friends.
The journal entry prior to this one kind of sums up what I need to do. I need to focus on this five (and probably longer) year old desire to be in a carrying relationship instead of the dead and sinking one I am in now. I also think it has helped me to realize that I did make a mistake with someone … you know that saying, the grass is always greener on the other side? Well, I went to the other side full well knowing that (and preaching it to my friends). I have learned the hard way that this particular statement can be far truer than one realizes. I really want back on the other side but alas, I made the mistake and now I have to live with it.
Yeah I am kind of sad that I probably have lost Lost Love to the world, that it took me this long to see what was right in front of me and that I would give anything to have the chance to make it right. But I am also am aware that I can’t go back in time and it has been over 15 years which means I have better odds of a miracle happening than him bumping in to me or me finding him.
I think what I am probably happiest about right now is I have memories of him and how much he really cared about me. He made me happy and he was a part of my life, for that gift, I am deeply grateful. I might not have the relationship I wanted right now but at one point in my life I did. To me, that gives me the strength to know I am still okay and still a worthy person to have in someone else’s life when that special someone does eventually cross my path.
P.S. What’s really sad, I thought it was Thursday today and had no idea it was Friday until I got to my desk. BONUS!