I am kind of not in the mood to write. I did some writing last night, kind of just a moment to jot down some things going through my head. I just felt there was too much floating around and starting to overwhelm me.
My day yesterday went from excellent to ok to aggravating to sad and then to really depressed back up to sad and then to good. I am just getting tired of these mood swings and honestly tired of them controlling my life. I know what I need to do and I am doing it, all be it slowly as I don’t want to shock my system which seems to happen far to easy.
One thing I did do that I am extremely nervous about yet excited, I wrote an I Saw U ad for the local alternative paper here in the hopes that Lost Love will see it (if he’s still around). I get the feeling he is, maybe he’s just visiting or maybe he still lives here. I don’t know, I talked to Hermes about this and well, maybe I am seeking closure or maybe I am seeking a chance to say I am sorry. Or maybe I am hoping for a happy ending. Who knows it’s probably all three but it can’t hurt to try and it does keep my mind focused and not dwelling so it’s worth a bit of effort. Plus if I don’t try I will never know the outcome and trying is what life is all about.
Sure I’d love to have a happy ending but in reality I know that is slim to none. I’ve always said life isn’t easy and though life really sucks right now, I am doing okay with it. I just need to let this all sort through in my head and keep moving forward. It’s just sad when your own self is telling you it’s tired of hearing you whine about crap though. Well at least I know how my friends feel.