{{journal_mood sad}}{{journal_location The happy sound of people working….}}

Well, I went and pestered my one friend while he worked on his website. I don’t know. I call him a best friend because I trust him and know down deep he does care but he has stuff going on and well, doesn’t need some gay guy hovering over him. I know he doesn’t mind but I feel bad which of course just leads to me finding problems with our friendship that don’t exist. Ugg… He’s a great person and someone I do look up too. Last thing I want is to hurt him again like I did last time when I had my little, shall we say… episode.

So, my other good friend calls me. I feel bad, he’s been trying to get me to converse lately but I have just been pushing him away. Which is really about him being so far away and I would enjoy just getting to hang instead of chatting for hours on the phone. Again, another bad thing for me to think since neither of us has control over geographic locations right now. But well, I am on a roll of bad thinking, might as well go all the way aye?

But he’s a good friend and listened to me dribble on about what’s happening. It felt good to chat but freak it doesn’t fill the void of feeling like I am on a mountain thousands of miles away with no else around.

Perhaps I just need to get laid. Well, actually, that would be fun but in this state of mind, I would probably freak on the person I am with since I really want more than anything the companionship.

I will say one thing, writing this down kind of helps. I can’t stay it’s making a huge difference but instead of typing away in Word and saving it in a file that I would love someone to read and comment on, at least here there is that chance…not that I would dare tell my friends to come and read this. Actually I wouldn’t mind but I am afraid they would either get upset at me or simply blow me off. None of which would happen but right now that’s how I am feeling.