Blah … Icky … Yuck!

{{journal_mood sick}}

I’m so tired right now. Even typing is difficult, my poor fingers feel num and disorientated. I stayed up way to late last night playing online with Boy Wonder. I am not even sure why I did it, well … yes I do, and it was fun for the last couple hours but before that it was annoying and very much not fun.

I’m kind of trying to figure out what was so weird; there were several things that bothered me. When I got home, Boy Wonder was asleep because his neck was bothering him and he took some medication that knocked him out. When he got up, he was less than social, it felt like he was trying to be social and talkative but didn’t really want to be. I can understand that, he wasn’t feeling well and had just woken. But then he wanted to go and play online, so we hopped in game and it was like night and day, he was then social, happy and alert. Suddenly response and carrying unlike just seconds before, honestly, it made me feel a bit sad.

He started talking and having fun, sending me whispers in the game about nothing important but it felt like he needed the others around before he could talk to me. And what felt weirder about it, he wasn’t talking directly to me. It felt like he was checking in with me while he chatted with others. I suppose that’s ok but it made me feel like I was second class. Then when everyone finally left, it was just me, Hermes and Boy Wonder, he started paying more attention and we went and had fun as a team and without stopping every ten seconds so he could do what ever he does every ten seconds.

And then there was the fact that the guild we run and the people we socialize with seemed less than interested that we had arrived. I got the eerie feeling that they had given up on us because we simply didn’t have time for them and wanted to spend it with others. What’s sad about that is I’d rather have spent it with them but ended up putzing around with Boy Wonder who was less than active in what we where doing.

So, when it finally came time to have some fun without interruption, we hung out and played until way late. Only to find out I would get three hours of sleep and then the very stark realization that I have to have a meeting today with the President of the company on getting Boy Wonder back in here. That should go over well, I can barely stay awake and I’m feeling miffed about Boy Wonder as usual.

Add to that, my muffler fell off my car yesterday so I am stuck driving the other car. That’s probably going to be around $1,500 in repairs. AND, something I ate yesterday did not sit well with me today. Thankfully the bathroom is just down the hall because it keeps calling. So here I sit, trying to stay awake which is incredibly difficult. Trying to get myself motivated to meet with the President (hopefully soon, as it’s really to my boss when we go in) and waiting for the next wave of bathroom calling to wash over me. Add to all that, miffed by last night and that I don’t know if it was me or this is some new leaf Boy Wonder has started.

I do know who he was talking to most of the evening, it was this new person that started hanging out with us. I really don’t like her and as I told Hermes yesterday on the phone, she may be lonely but she’s a user and simply uses someone until something else comes along. Sadly I think Boy Wonder is under her spell right now and like last time, he is just going to get hurt and dropped when either the dirty laundry comes out or something better comes along. But if I say something then I am the bad person and right now, I am just not up to being the bad person today. However, because I am so exhausted, who knows how it will come out.

We are supposed to go do some stuff tonight. I’m actually excited about that, I enjoy hanging out with Boy Wonder and can’t wait. BUT like usually, something will come up and we probably won’t go which will most likely just push me over the edge. But I’m kind of curious to see how that goes. If he’s still standoffish then I probably will bring it up. I just need to be awake enough to have some grace when I do so it doesn’t turn in to a huge fight. That is unless we don’t go and then here comes a fight which I don’t want but I know I’m going to be hurt.