One of the great benefits of my nifty gifts is the constant awareness of those I care about. The unfortunate part is that sometimes this awareness can have a nasty bite attached. I rarely forget things, events and people. Those who have impacted my life, either good or bad, leave a memory. Those whom I cared for, I tend to create bonds with. Perhaps it is my own little way to always have them around when they aren’t near. The only problem being, that once they are no longer part of my life – the bond still exists.
As it was today, I was struggling through this network manual on how to configure some devices and out of the blue a person whom I once truly loved yet mistakenly pushed away entered my thoughts. And even worse, this is a person who would have found my current reading material a vile torture to endure only made me stop and think about them more. I know others would pass it off as a strange memory but for me, that wonderful bond I keep, swayed in my thoughts. The person was thinking of me, the bond had alerted me to their presence.
My mind immediately went to this pathway and before I could stop it, traveled the distance to see what was causing such a motion. Like many things we instinctively do before we realize what we are doing, the visions of their thoughts at the moment entered mine. “A moment after we’d first met, one of those odd little moments where nothing was actually going on, just the two of us sitting outside watching the world go by. I felt the summer breeze from the day roll over my skin, the smell from a crisp yet warm afternoon rushed through me and the image of their face as I turned to look at them, smiling one of those smiles only two people in love share.”
My heart sank, pain from almost 18 years ago sunk in deep. Just a memory of a person who has long since left my life, at least they still remembered me and some of the good moments we shared. Oh how I hate these feelings surfacing like this but then that is one of the side effects of having my abilities. That nifty bond I keep for all those people who have come in to my life, I never truly forget them … not even if I wanted too. And of course, to add salt to the wound, my mind reaches out once more – pure instinct at this point – and I realize they aren’t far away. They are in the same city, same area of town, they could be in this neighborhood from how strong the feelings are pouring through me.
I go outside to catch my breath and glance up the street; I could wander up and see if I see them. They are that close judging by the emotions I am getting. What would I say, would they recognize me, and would they even want to see me after all this time? I dismiss the thought. I don’t know why exactly, perhaps it is my own way to let them live their life. It’s not fair that I can keep track of others so easily, they deserve their privacy.
Eventually the memories will fade and return to their place in my thoughts. The feelings will subside and the pain will diminish. Eventually, all will be as it was. But for an instance, a person whom I can truly say I loved is happy and remembers our time together fondly. They are safe and their world continues; that is all I could ever ask for those who have came across my path.
Now it’s time for me to go back to work and continue on with my life, perhaps a bit sad but with a smile simply because … because … that is what I do and this is but one of the many things I am gifted with.