I don’t know if I will ever get back into writing more often. I want to, that’s not the problem but I tend to get side tracked and then it gets to late and well … I then put it off until another day. Oh well, at least I am writing off and on instead of having a month on end hiatus.
So, what’s new? Nothing to exciting. Life goes forward and though at the moment, I have to admit I am a bit irritated at the financial situation I seem to have gotten myself into. I honestly don’t know what happened … I guess I have just been a bit to lazy and just kept spending and spending. Money kept going out and out and out and finally there was none. What’s more annoying is the bills aren’t paid and they are far from current. That’s a tad bit stressful but then I really messed up this time and zoned the mortgage for the house and sent my bank account sky rocketing down the tube. Dazzle wasn’t to happy about this but as I sit and think about it, I think that’s why I did it.
I am so tired of him just doing nothing. He obviously has money but he won’t spend it. All he does is sit home and talk on the instant messenger and surf the Internet. One day he finds a job, he goes for a day and hates it then comes home. Then he talks about buying this or that … no not something small but huge. His latest thing is he wants to buy a restaurant however the other day it was a gas station, then it was a bar, then it was a hotel. Now he’s talking about moving to New York but before that is was moving home, back to his country. Ugg. Freaking just pick something.
Wow, that was a bit ago that I started to write that. I was in the middle of a thought, something set me off and I stopped writing. Let’s see I think that was like two or maybe three weeks ago. I kept meaning to come back to it but I just never did. I can’t remember what upset me so much while I was writing above but something did and for the longest time I just didn’t want to come back to think about it.
Well, I’m back again. And as I sit here thinking of what I want to write about, I keep wondering why I stopped and avoided continuing. Part of it is probably because I didn’t want my journal to turn in to something that felt like each time I sat and wrote in it, some bad luck would hit and not only what I wrote about would be remembered but then what upset me would get attached. With me, memories hold for a long time and simple things will jog both good and bad back to the surface. So, in short, I was worried (and still am somewhat) that something will get attached to this and down the road bring back some bad feelings. I’ve got enough bad stuff floating around and don’t need more.
Well, here I sit. What to write about? There is lots going on and yet nothing. Work is work and continues to suck the marrow of life from myself and many others. Boy Wonder is still in limbo, he’d make a great addition to the company and has more than proven himself but my boss continues to cower away and avoid the possible. More so over his own petty concerns than that of the company. Dazzle is still around and his latest decision is to return to his country for many months. I’m kind of ok with this but also a bit worried. Many things are still in his name and one thing could go wrong and it would really make life very hard for me. Add to that, the house is getting far more expensive and I’m tired of paying for everything.
Shit, I just realized I forgot to call Barefoot back, she called the other day and I didn’t return the call. Dang it, I need to do that. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s very much the opposite. But I admit that I want to do it on my terms and privately so I can just relax and be myself. Lately it seems everyone is around and privacy is a fond memory. Hermes is doing ok, he seems busy which I hope is good. But then maybe he’s a bit stand offish since I keep taking these long standing breaks.
As for myself, I’m trying to recover from the money blow. In time that will be rectified, I just have to hold on and follow my own advice which is not to give up. I really do want to quit my job and hopefully in a year that will be possible. Things are on the move and opportunities are arising but they are going to take some work and a whole hella-of-alot of control on my part. But then the things that are best in life are the hardest to reach.
I guess I’ll stop here. Other thoughts are on my mind and right now I am not in the mood to ruin my journal entry with them. Nor do I want to add bad memories to this post. So on that note, more to write later.