Stepping forward or back?

{{journal_mood complacent}}

I added forums to my main website the other day. They are there as a dedication to life, good and bad. But I also created them because I missed my old BBS from a decade and a half ago. Part of me wonders if that was a good idea. I’m a very big on making sure myself and those I care about always move forward in life. Remembering the past is one thing but trying to recapture the past can be a bad thing if your reasons aren’t what they seem.

For me the idea of forums for people to discuss such things as life and it’s hazards sounds like fun and if it works out, would teach us not only about one’s self but about others and how they perceive the world. I write a lot about that in my journal, life and all it’s traumas. To me, providing a space for others to write just seems like an extension of this journal.

But … there always seems to be a but, am I trying to relive a part of my past? A part that has long since left. A part that I moved on from and one that I look back on with fond memories. Am I trying to recapture a past that I desire for reasons that aren’t as obvious? Loneliness, lack of friends being around, anger at the world are all things that creep through my mind. But are those just doubts about it’s success or my real fears? I tend to over analyze things and when I am uncertain of outcomes I plan for the problems that my actions might bring. Is that all I am doing right now?

Ahhh … so many questions. I think I am doing it for the right reasons. Dedicating it to something I once enjoyed a very long time ago is ok. My desire to create the forums about life is more on the fact that we don’t have such a thing in our world. It seems that we have discussion areas for everything else topic wise but not one that covers life in general. I love to hash out my thoughts and try to understand things around me, I can’t be the only one. I know I am not the only one that has to deal with the oddities that plague our every day existence and who better to help understand these things than your friends and those in your life.

For me, that is what the forums are about, they are not about trying to recapture my past or trying to relive some old good times. They are my way of saying life isn’t as bad as it is, it just looks that way sometimes. So perhaps I have nothing to worry about. History repeats, it always does. We choose to let it repeat and have the same outcome it had before. I’m not stepping backwards, I’m taking what I know and going forward. I’m choosing to let history be my teacher and learn from it, use that knowledge but not let it repeat and cycle. So I guess I’m ok, yes that is a guess because only time will tell if my reasons are sound.