{{journal_mood confused}}
Uggg…. What am I doing? I put a freaking personal online WITH pictures. That really isn’t me, or maybe it is me and I didn’t know it. So far the results have been less than interesting. I honestly just am looking for people to talk with, nothing more right now. I just am tired of feeling so very alone and though I have some great friends, I kind of wish I could flirt or open up about things on the "gay" side of me, the otherside of me. Backseat and probably even Bare Foot is the only one I can really talk with about this stuff but we don’t get to see each other that often and between their life and mine, I feel as if I get to be a bit to dramatic as I just open up and spill everything rushing to finally release!
Honestly I want to delete the personal ad, I find it disturbing to have it there yet at the same time I just so much want to chat with someone and be me. I’m also worried that because I have very few photos of myself and every single one that anyone takes I can’t stand, having only the scammers and old men reply will be a beating on my bruised ego which could just upset me further.
I’ve also found myself striking up conversations with the strangers online, well, emailing them. Hell I bought an account just so I could email instead of using those stupid little simple flirt like things they give you. I tormented myself on that for days, to buy or not, and finally just gave in. Now I just find people that sound interesting and email … each time hoping one of them will just want to chat and get to know each other.
Am I being pathetic, lonely, stupid or all of the above. Or am I just moving on with my life finally? I don’t know. I gave myself a month to see how it goes, it’s only been a day and half with the new "bought" account but I am feeling weird about it. I just need the gaps in my life filled in for a while so I can focus on other things, those damn gaps that it seems never get filled any other way.